More strategy and planning go into a typical Indian wedding than a war between two powerful nations. The Mausi’s, Bua’s, Chachi’s, Maami’s and padoswali Pammi aunties can come together and execute those strategies better than a seasoned chief-in-command of an elite paramilitary force. The finesse of making the kill in terms of wedding purchases with discounts and all the bargains with the caterers and florists and any sundry wedding items can only be done by these team of “Wonder Women”. Let’s face it; it’s their forte and field of super-duper speciality.
Imagine the kind of powers these ladies hold in the matters of a totally unknown unrelated person’s life-altering factor of happiness – their wedding. Matches may be made in heaven but they are run by the 50 something women brigade here on earth. They can alter the cosmic plan, for God’s sake!!
There are few pre-determined factors on which they evaluate the future brides and grooms for their circle of friends and families. Based on these, a match is fixed (Howzatttt…?)
7 requirements = 7 pheras (For a Perfect Bahu)
- She should beat Gordon Ramsey with her culinary skills.
- She should bend it like Beckham for the Pairi Pona / Paai Laagu
- She should give Madhuri Dixit a run for her money when she smiles.
- She should look fair and lovely like a wax doll in Madame Tussauds.
- She should go all Martha Stewart when it comes to keeping her home clean and tidy.
- She should come loaded with goodies after marriage like Santa on the night before Christmas.
- Her having a relative abroad is like a Diwali bonus to the whole family.
(A Sarva Gunn Sampan Grihlakshmi All in All)
7 requirements = 7 pheras (For a God sent Damaad)
- He should be an NRI even if it’s a remote island with a name they can spell or pronounce.
- He should have a degree from Phoren College to boast of.
- He should be well settled with his own Bungalow and a Lambi Gaadi.
- Having a younger sister or brother will be an added advantage to be matched with a distant cousin, nephew or niece later on.
- He should look like a supermodel in Armani suit with Prada shoes.
- He should come with an entourage of men in black type firang baratis and guests.
- His 440 watts smile should melt hearts all around the wedding venue.
(An Overall Catch Of A Man – Mr McDreamy Son-in-law)
Apart from the aforementioned requirements, the appearance of the person plays a vital role in this vicious circle of wedding games. All aspects are taken into considerations by our extended Indian families. Especially the colour, complexion and facial features are under constant scrutiny of the self-appointed matching making communities here in our country. A crooked tooth automatically morphs into that person being crooked in character or social standings, as per the gossip circle of Indian society. A stained tooth means the person has bad habits of chewing tobacco or smoking, again a social taboo. A missing tooth means the person is a rogue who gets into fights and all. Even today we hold this biased prejudice and judgmental thinking in our quest to find the immaculate perfect one.
No wonder, off late all the would-be brides and grooms are rushing to the dentists to get themselves fixed before the D-day. Everybody wants to look their best on that day but now the struggle is to be flawless even before the match is fixed. A long line of potential brides and grooms are paraded in front of the families to choose from.Their photos and bio-data are exchanged, couriered and emailed to different corners of the world. All of them flashing an eye-blinding smile and glowing dewy skin at par with the models from India next supermodel judged by the likes of Lisa Haydon and Malaika Arora Khan.
Dentists are having a field day before the wedding season kicks in. Extraordinary packages are floated to meet the demands of the wedding brigade. Teeth whitening, cleaning and alignment are the most sought-after treatments for these youngsters. Bridal packages and Groom grooming specials include all this and many more.
In conclusion, all we can say is that, if you want to win yourself a great match and please the matriarchal circle of your future marital home, visit your dentist today. Akhir shadi byah ka Mamla hain!!